15 pounds, 15 years… 04/01/10

WOAH.

Let me just say before I get into my weekly mamavation update that this Summer it will be 15 years since I graduated high school. Fifteen.

Woah. Again.

Fifteen years ago I was a 17 year old free spirit who just graduated from high school. That same Summer I would turn 18, move out and head to college and dream of what my life would be like 15 years later. I wanted to do so many things, see so many things, be so many things. I wanted to find myself and begin my life on my own terms. Bound by nothing but my own dreams, wishes and fears.

Where does the time go?

Perhaps this poem says it best…

“Cars Driving By”

Not only is someone out there looking for exactly what I have to offer but waiting for me to find it and when we meet magic will happen or has already.

Dive into the abyss of knowing and not knowing.  A dream I once had of how my life was supposed to be written; a novel about me written by you.  The dream of something so much bigger than just waking up in the morning but breathing the sunshine and hugging the rain.  Not thinking about what could happen – only when, why or not now.  A smile or frown behind a door of unknown, or a snow boat floating and becoming an individual in a pile of everyone.  A love so deep I can hardly breathe but will burst with the want of something else, something unfamiliar or so familiar that it becomes new.  A dream, a thought, a beautiful wish of satisfaction and fear.

I believe in being a rainbow or at least finding the pot of gold.  Whatever it is I will help this to be.  Everything I hope or don’t stops time.  Tic Toc.  Twenty-four seven relative to why a clock goes round and round.  Our deepest parts penetrated by the sweet smell of failure or the strong sweat of making it big or writing the right words. 

The world opens each day to the new dawn of a fly away hope.  The good the bad the most ignored or talked about.  Step by step opening up to the wondrous world of peace or pain.  The choice is ours, at our fingertips, going numb, tingling at the very thought of it.  Maybe it’s that dream, an illusion, or mirage as I look at the cars driving by.

Believing in purple rain or blue sleet.  Words, words the ever changing syllables of my mind and heart.  This is a beginning with no end or middle.  Simply a beach with all the right sand and all the wrong waves.  Reach out, reach up.  It can happen if it flows.  Believing in one self is the most important essence of being.  No one must take that away from us or all else is lost; until the edge where you find it and you come back better than them even before.

Words turned inside up and down on a sheet of crisp, clear nothing.  Over and over again what do you mean?  I mean me or this but to have it all is a magic trick only the most unimaginative have perfected.  When I dream it’s BIG, in color and full of fireworks and love.  A never-ending tale of what was or is to be this life we live over and over again until it’s right.  This path is right and to figure that out is beyond amazing.  Extraordinary in every which way.

A word puzzle a play.  A time that I love and am feeling this very moment.  Tomorrow is today and it begins again with that dream.  A single sentence parts one, two or three.  Sixteen in all because that one – is lucky.  Like you or me.  Imagine the key to all of this and it can unlock everything this is meant to say or play or do.  A roundabout way of laughing about you.

Fifteen years later I’m once again trying to find myself. Go figure. I’m a full on adult and more importantly a mom. This time bound by schedules and work and all the other things that seem to get in the way.

Fifteen years later I’m thankful for my life and all of the amazing people in it. I’m thankful for my children, my husband, my family, my friends. I’m thankful for my health. I’m thankful for my determined spirit and thankful for this “New Year”. Thankful that this New Year I am working toward a “New Me”.

Fifteen years later.

Fifteen pounds down (After 10 weeks following along with mamavation). A lot to go. But with re-newed energy I can add a 15 year class reunion to the list. Will my mission be complete? Will I lose the weight? Will you help me?

I’d love your support and you can support me by getting on Twitter and telling @bookieboo this:

“Hey @bookieboo! I want @trulytrayce to be the next #mamavation mom! I support her & she inspires me!”